the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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