Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
