last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
