If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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