hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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