I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have fence marks all over my body
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
