We're facebook friends in real life
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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