You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
