last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize