Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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