i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
