she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's never too late to be topless.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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