We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
