i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
