sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
