their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
