she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
