I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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