hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
