Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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