It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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