What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
