Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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