1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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