so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
