I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you made out with another girl for some wings
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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