I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
