I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
