That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
