I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
