I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
