i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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