The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
