yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
