I've blown a few things in my day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
