she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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