I need to stop coming to work sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
