Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
