We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
