Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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