I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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