Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
