Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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