Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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