her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
