Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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