She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
