every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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