You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
