remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
