They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
