I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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