all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
