Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
