She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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