I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
