I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
