I want to make a zoo with you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
