My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
