gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
