what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
