Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
