I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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