On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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