apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
