I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
