I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
