what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a burrito and a hug.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
