i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this will be a night to untag.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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