you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's the barista slut.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
