last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
