He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
