I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize