Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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