cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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