Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
