while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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