I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
