By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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