Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
