I think I died a long time ago.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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