Someone shit on the floor
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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