i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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