thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
