Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
