The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
