Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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